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Model Conversational Week 1500: The Model Invitational Empress on this week’s contest and outcomes


Hello, everybody! It’s taken at the least six days to decompress and get again in gear from a five-day trip final week — one which I loved each minute of. A dozen of us Invite-types, together with me and the Royal Consort (celebrating our fortieth anniversary), gathered in Niagara Falls, Ontario, for one more Loserfest, organized as soon as once more with immense enthusiasm by Loser Kyle Hendrickson, dubbed Loserfest Pope years in the past by who-knows-who. The RC and I rode up with native Losers Mike Creveling and Ann Martin; Kyle, Kathleen Delano and Sarah Worcester got here in one other automobile, and Jonathan Hardis in a 3rd; Miriam Nadel flew in from one other journey; Edward Gordon and his pal Doug got here from Austin by the use of Toronto. And Sharon Neeman — visiting from Israel — came to visit from a pal’s in Buffalo to hitch us one morning on the New York aspect.

Kyle’s optimistically deliberate “Fungenda” proved versatile and resilient when issues ran late, a website was closed, and so forth., permitting us to pattern all kinds of actions that the city affords. In fact there’s the actually breathtaking expertise of getting proper as much as the falls — by boat and by statement decks by which you’re issued primarily a floor-length plastic bag to encase your self, considerably futilely, in opposition to the spray. However we additionally took in an artsy mild present in an influence plant turned museum (celebrating the miracle of hydroelectric vitality!), and Kyle even discovered a method for us to be shuttled up a hill one evening to a nondescript administration constructing, the place we had been taken to a again deck and took turns flipping switches that lit up the Horseshoe Falls in our selection of colours.

All through, everybody stayed cheerful and even-tempered through the inevitable snags, making and solidifying friendships which might be positive to proceed. Whereas the Invitational itself was tangential, at most, to the holiday, it as soon as once more strengthened the Invite as a three-decade-old social neighborhood. Kyle’s taking ideas for the place the subsequent Loserfest might be; I’m favoring one nearer to residence, the place native Losers and Devotees have the choice of constructing it a day journey on in the future of the festivities (and never having to interrupt the piggy financial institution). Up to now we’ve gone to Baltimore and Frederick and Delaware and even downtown D.C.

Kyle additionally wants your ideas on the place to have our month-to-month Loser Brunches over the subsequent yr; he’s taking on the responsibility of scheduling the rotation from Elden Carnahan. (See “Necessary be aware” under.)

Good pair! The outcomes of Week 1496

After I compile the listing of things to liken, differ or in any other case hyperlink in The Model Invitational’s kind of annual Similar Distinction contest — the outcomes of Week 1496 went up this morning — I actually do attempt for randomness: Generally I’ll look across the room and write down some object I see, or one thing that catches my eye in that morning’s paper on the kitchen desk. And even after I scroll down the remark thread from my solicitation within the Model Invitational Devotees group, I’ll select amongst actually a whole bunch of Losers’ ideas with out a lot pondering how a lot humor they’ll generate — and no considered how one merchandise will relate to a different.

As a result of the Losers all the time discover intelligent methods to narrate these random gadgets. Or at the least sufficient of them.

There have been loads of good concepts amongst Week 1496′s roughly 1,050 entries (plus a hundred-odd headline concepts); my “shortlist” numbered 10 % of the full. A few of these, although, had been varied variations of the identical joke; both I didn’t credit score anybody personally, as within the puns on “excessive curiosity,” or I selected one entry that hit me as a bit higher than the remainder: pithier, utilizing much less rationalization, extra parallel, generally together with a funnier phrase.

Instance of the identical good thought with one funnier phrase :

Didn’t make it: Each a flushable wipe and 6 Supreme Courtroom justices all wish to stand up in girls’s genitals.

Made it: A flushable wipe and 6 Supreme Courtroom justices: They’re each up in my enterprise. (Deb Stewart, Damascus)

In lots of different circumstances, the joke was distinctive among the many entries. That was the case with this week’s Clowning Achievement by Kevin Dopart: The distinction between a hypersonic missile and a banned ebook: “You possibly can open-carry the missile in Texas.” It’s the third Clowner trophy for Kevin Dopart — nevertheless it’s his thirty sixth contest win since Kevin began Inviting in 2005, instantly swamping the competition with ink and occurring to be the highest-scoring Loser for seven years straight. The truth is, along with his 4 blots this week (or it may need been in the previous few weeks), Kevin sails previous the 1,700-ink mark to move Tom Witte for second place in all-time ink. The longtime marathoner must dash mightily, although, to meet up with GOAT Chris Doyle’s 2,400-plus.

The remainder of the Losers’ Circle consists of veteran Losers as effectively, from Corridor of Famer Mark Raffman to relative newbies — however each instant stars — Steve Smith (debuted in Week 1326) and Hannah Seidel (Week 1383).

I don’t see the names of the authors of the entries till I select them, so I used to be excited to see what number of girls obtained ink this week; the M/F imbalance within the Invite has all the time been a bit mysterious and admittedly embarrassing. So I’ll fortunately congratulate Hannah Seidel, Deb Stewart, First Offender Katherine Schaepman, Karen Lambert (4 occasions over!), Beverley Sharp, Pam Shermeyer (x 3), Barbara Turner and First Offender Michie March on having scored a few third of the week’s ink. Getting there!

Necessary be aware: I get all these stats from the Losers’ web site, The stats have been maintained since Week 1 by Elden Carnahan — however due to well being points these previous few months, Elden hasn’t been capable of dedicate his traditional efforts to sustaining the Loser Stats, Grasp Contest Listing, the All Invitational Textual content file, brunch rotation, and lots of different issues that we’re solely now noticing of their absence. And he’s now within the means of handing over the reins to others within the Loser Neighborhood. This night, Kyle Hendrickson will host a Zoom assembly with various individuals who’ve expressed willingness to tackle a small a part of what Elden has been doing just about on his personal. In case you’d like to assist keep this indispensable useful resource — particularly when you have programming abilities, however not essentially — let me know and I’ll put you in contact with Kyle. My deepest because of all of you who’ve stepped ahead (and those that will) — and naturally to Elden himself, the daddy of our feast.

Elden had needed to hitch us in Niagara Falls final week however properly determined to remain residence (very properly, it turned out, contemplating the nonstop actions) — so we’ll as a substitute go to him: We’re hoping to schedule a Loser brunch or different meal someday within the subsequent few weeks out in his residence base of Laurel, Md. — or, as he phrases it, Nether Scaggsville. Keep tuned.

What Happy Ponch: “A number of gems this week!” reported Ace Copy Editor Ponch Garcia after studying the print Invite, which comprises about 40 of the full of, I feel, 48 inking entries. Ponch’s faves all got here from the Honorables:

A flushable wipe and 6 Supreme Courtroom justices: They’re each up in my enterprise. (Deb Stewart)

Six Supreme Courtroom justices vs. a worn-out toothbrush: Solely the justices will management your cavities. (Kevin Dopart)

Cat hair and a romance novel: A number of nasty stuff on the furnishings. (Jesse Frankovich)

8 % inflation and Previous Bay: They’ve each been added currently to each merchandise within the grocery retailer. (Ben Aronin)

A romance novel vs. cat hair: One includes mattresses and the opposite includes cat tresses. (Leif Picoult)

8 % inflation could make your cash nugatory; a period-tracking app can preserve your honey birthless. (Gary Crockett)

A worn-out toothbrush: The bristles overused. Cat hair: The Bissell’s overused. (Chris Doyle)

8 % inflation: What you’ve earned is value much less. A Model Invitational second prize: What you’ve earned is nugatory. (Jesse Frankovich)

The sq. deal for Week 1500: This week’s neologism contest

Sure, Week 1500 is one more probability to coin new phrases, one which’s fairly clear on what to do. We did the identical contest for 14-point phrases in Week 1402; listed below are a number of the outcomes, on your steerage & inspiration & simply plain leisure. And you understand, don’t ship in these identical phrases under and tack an S on the tip. Do be aware that definitions match the a part of speech of the phrase: noun for noun, adjective for adjective, and so forth. Or how they keep away from the issue by not utilizing definition kind. (See rant in Model Conversational Week 1495.)

4. SHAMNESIA: “Hush cash? I don’t bear in mind something about that. Possibly it is best to ask Michael Cohen. I hardly know the man.” (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

3. DUMBRAGE: Indignation based mostly on ignorance. “How dare you say you’d prefer to emulate me, you filthy pervert!” (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

2. NAGIVATION: The artwork of backseat driving. (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

And the winner of the Lose Cannon: BUPHOON: An unwell wind from Washington that blows no one any good. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)

NOSHTALGIA: Keep in mind once we may gorge on nachos and beer and never achieve a pound? (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

TYRANNODON: Creature we thought couldn’t probably exist at this time. (William Kennard, Arlington, Va.)

ABSENTIFA: A bunch of harmful anarchists that terrorizes individuals by not exhibiting up. (Jonathan Jensen)

ATLASHRUGS: Gestures that present you don’t care. “When requested in regards to the dying price, the White Home official gave an atlashrug.” (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

THISTOPIA: 2020. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

BELLOWIER: What one candidate tries to be in a “debate.” (J. Larry Schott, West Plains, Mo.)

BIFECAL: They was rose-colored, however currently I’ve been seeing the world via this type of glasses. (Invoice Dorner, Indianapolis)

BULLIGERENT: Not solely spouting complete BS, however doing it whereas another person is attempting to speak. “In tonight’s debate, the president was . . .” (Jonathan Jensen)

CARDAVER: The model you place in your passenger seat whenever you’re driving solo within the HOV-2 lane. (Wendy Shang, Falls Church, Va.)

CONDUMB: What you might be whenever you insist on utilizing Durex XXLs however they preserve falling off. (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)

COVFEE: Miracle potion drunk by POTUS to treatment himself. (Edward Gordon, Austin)

DORKLY: Additional-clumsily. “Coming in from the patio, Ernie walked via a glass dorkly.” (Chris Doyle)

EGONOMICS: Possibly that was Trump’s main in enterprise faculty. (Chris Doyle)

FRETTORIC: Enjoying to the viewers’s fears — or creating fears for them. “ ‘He’ll destroy your neighborhood and your American Dream,’ he started in a speech stuffed with frettoric.” (Jeff Rackow, Bethesda, Md.)

VOODOODOO: The Curse of 2020. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

NOTCAKES: The quintessential business failure: “The brand new sardine-flavored protein bars bought like notcakes.” (Perry Beider, Silver Spring, Md.)

MAILINGNANT: Present state of the Postal Service. (Edward Gordon)

QUITR: The child who dropped out of the spelling bee. (Frank Mann)

RALPHIEST: “I shouldn’t have eaten the jalapeño chili with the pork vindaloo. It was the ralphiest combo ever.” (Roy Ashley, Washington)

FLOPTILLA: The Trumpers’ boat parade that sank itself in its personal wake. (Frank Mann)

SCOTUSBALL: Political sporting occasion by which the principles change relying upon who has the whistle. (Mike Greene, Richmond, Va)

WEDNOODLE: A honeymoon downer. (Chris Doyle)

WHATAGE: The dearth of readability produced by a dim bulb. “The journalists tried to parse the president’s debate reply, however had been overwhelmed by the whatage. (Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)

MOJOE: It had higher be working, is all I can say. (Jonathan Jensen)

LOLLAPALOSER: A wannabe comic who thinks someone will publish all 25 of his entries. (Chuck Helwig, Centreville, Va., who at the least was 1 for 18 this week)

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